Darkness Fade Away: A Flega Love Story
by JibbsRibbsNCISMotiveLover
Summary: How do Detectives Flynn and Vega really feel about each other? Here is my AU version of how they get together and fall for each other. Trigger warnings for mentions of rape, self-harm, and thoughts (but no action) of suicide. R&R please and follow. This is my first attempt at a darker story. First M rating chapter now loaded so let me know what you think.
1. I Have an Assignment for You

**AN: So this is my first all Motive story. It is going to be an AU and cover many dark and heavy topics throughout the time. Hopefully you will all still enjoy this and review. I will be starting this story out as a rated T but when I get to about chapter 5 I will be upgrading the rating to M so be on the look out for that change. The characters may be a little OOC but I am trying my hardest to not make it too badly OOC. (The Flega [Flynn and Vega ship name in my mind] aspect of the story comes from the amount of chemistry and sexual tension I see/feel between the two so keep that in mind.) Without further ado here is the first chapter of _Darkness Fade Away: A Flega Love Story_!**

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><p>Chapter 1: The Assignment<p>

~July 20, 2013~

(Outside the Flynn House)

Detective Angelica (Angie) Flynn and her son Manny had just arrived home after a week away for Manny's college orientation in Seattle, Washington. As she exited her car Angie's phone rang leaving many to unload the car by himself.

"This is Angie." Angie picked up her cell phone.

"Detective Flynn, this is Superintendent Boyd Bloom. I have an assignment that I only trust you to do. It involves going completely undercover for about three weeks if not longer. If you agree to do this assignment I will contact Mark Cross immediately about you working through only my team for the duration of this assignment." came a deep voice from the other end of the line.

"Would I be able to hear more about this assignment before I give you a definite answer?" Angie asked.

"Of course I will give you more information on the case. Are you able to come to my office at about lunch time tomorrow and we can talk then?" Bloom asked.

"Unless a new case comes in that Oscar, Brian, and I need to check out a crime scene for I will be able to stop by." Angie replied after a few seconds of hesitation.

"I will let you go for now as I am sure you have something you need to do and I will see you tomorrow. Have a good rest of the evening." Bloom replied.

"You too Sir, good night." Angie said as she hung up her cell phone and went inside.

* * *

><p>(Inside the Flynn House)<p>

"Mom, there is a message from Oscar on the machine. He wants to talk when you get a free minute." Manny said once Angie got settled in.

Angie grabbed the phone and dialed, Detective Oscar Vega, her partner's phone number. "Hello Partner, my offspring informed me you called. What can I help you with?"

"Hey Partner. I was just wondering if you wanted to join Lucas and I for lunch tomorrow? Tomorrow marks exactly one year since Lucas joined our team." Vega said of their third partner, Detective Brian Lucas.

"As much as I love Lucas, I can't do lunch tomorrow. I just got off a call on my cell phone with Bloom. I have to meet up with him at lunch tomorrow. I am not 100% sure why but how about we call Mary and set up a surprise celebration dinner with just the four of us?" Angie suggested.

"That sounds like a great plan partner. You set everything up and tell me where when we get in tomorrow morning. I will call Mary and tell her about the plans. We can split the check. See you in the morning Partner." Oscar replied.

* * *

><p>~July 21, 2013~<p>

(Vancouver Police Station)

"Morning Partner. Lucas is a little behind this morning so what is the plan for dinner?" Oscar asked as he leaned back on the blonde's desk.

"As long as everything goes to plan we have reservations at Toby's Pub at 5:30pm." Angie replied.

"It is scary how well we know each other partner. When Mary asked where she should plan to meet us I told her you were picking the place so to plan on Toby's. I guess five and a half years as partners means we know a bit about how the other's brain works." Oscar smiled.

Secretly Angie loves her partner's smile and his laugh. As a matter of fact she could not think about much about her partner that she could dislike other than the fact that Oscar does not support the idea of co-workers having any kind of romantic relationship. Little did Angie know Oscar only says that because he feels the same way about her and has since about six months into their partnership. The only people who could not see this was the two of them.

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><p>~Lunch Time~<p>

(Bloom's Office)

"Morning Bloom, ready to talk about this mysterious case you only trust me to do?" Angie asked as she entered her boss' office.

"Have a seat Detective Flynn." Bloom started as he closed his office door. "This case is one where I need a female officer to go undercover and I want you to do it since I trust you. The case involves taking out a drug ring that is responsible for the murders that you guys started to investigate three days ago."

"Would I be able to have Vega and Lucas on my team for backup? I am willing to do this but I would prefer to have my partners on my team if possible. I could not imagine doing this without them." Angie asked.

"Vega and Lucas unfortunately would not be able to be a part of the team since they were originally on the case. Due to you having been out-of-town during the first investigation I would still ask you to be on this team." Bloom explained.

"I don't like the idea of taking an assignment outside of my department especially without my partners." Angie replied.

"If you don't do this assignment someone else is going to get hurt. Detective Flynn only Mark can know the truth about this case for now. Detectives Vega and Lucas will be informed when the time is right." Bloom stated.

"Fine I will do the assignment but I will not start until tomorrow though since I need time to check out my cover story and the case details. You get to tell Mark though, he is on my 'do not talk to me unless it is important' list." Angie said as she began to walk toward the door.

"Deal come back up here tomorrow just before you leave and I will test you on your cover." Bloom suggested.

"Fine, I will see you tomorrow." Angie said closing the door behind her.

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><p>~Quitting TimeDinner~

(Toby's Pub)

"Guys I really should get home. Mary wanted to cook dinner tonight. Due to some of the cases we have had lately the number of broken promises when it comes to being home for dinner has skyrocketed." Brian Lucas informed his partners as they got to their table.

"Turn around Partner." Oscar smirked at the young detective.

"Mary? I thought we were going to eat at home tonight? What are you doing here?" the youngest detective asked his wife.

"We called her to see if she would come celebrate with us." Angie replied. "Happy one year Partner-versary! It has been a great year Detective Lucas. We look forward to many more years as partners."


	2. Let the Case Begin

**AN: This is and the next couple of chapters are all leading up to the large Flashback with the darkness that is going to start being revealed in the next chapter so that one of my OCs would be more relevant. For now however, please review and let me know if you want to know more so I know whether or not I should continue this story. So please let me know through either PMing me or reviewing. Constructive criticism is encouraged but just mean flames are unappreciated though taken into consideration.**

**Chapter 2: Let The Case Begin**

~July 22, 2013~

The next day went by quickly as the detectives continued to investigate the case.

"Flynn, please come into my office. Now." Mark Cross called to his former lover.

"I am working on a case Cross. I will be in when we reach a decent stopping point on our research." Angie replied.

"I said NOW Flynn. This takes priority over the case for the next few minutes. It is about a past case. I would be more than happy to try to do this from across the room but I know for a fact you would prefer this to remain in the dark as much as possible like it has been for the last ten years."

"Why don't we just talk about this after work? I really need to focus right now."

"Fine but we will talk about this."

The cover was set for Detective Flynn to discreetly meet with Bloom about the case he wished for her to be a major part of.

(Bloom's Office)

[Case Details]

Profile Description

Name: Amanda Adams

Age: 35

Job: Secretary/Office Clerk

Disabilities: Recently deaf beyond the help of hearing aids

Significant Facts: Learning to sign due to being deaf from a recent explosion

Likes: Coffee, to work long hours, sleep

Dislikes: Cops, relationships, kids

Family: None

Relationship Status: Single

Details: The undercover officer (necessary to be a female officer) is to infiltrate the Thorne Drug Cartel. Officer must be quick to learn basic sign language, and to talk and act as if deaf. Throughout the assignment the officer is to report back with any new leads as they receive them and is in a safe place away from the cartel. Assignment will be complete when Cartel Leader (the target) is arrested with full amounts of evidence that will stick in court.

Estimated length: 3 weeks- 3 months; Depending on how long it takes to collect the evidence needed

After ten minutes of taking the test and memorizing the undercover profile Angie told Bloom her decision to take the assignment.

"Well Detective Flynn, will you take the assignment for sure? We have only a week to prepare. You would interview for the job on paper and using sign language on Friday, then you would start the job on Monday morning." Bloom explained.

"I told you yesterday I would. The details just solidify my decision. Since Oscar can't know about this assignment who am I going to learn the sign language from?" Angie asked knowing her partner was fluent in signing due to having deaf family members.

"Still use Oscar though tell him that you want to learn it so you can both communicate discreetly should a case require it." Bloom replied.

"Fine, but make sure when he finds out the truth that you tell him you swore me to secrecy on this case." Angie said as she walked out of the office.

[Parking Garage/Angie's Car]

~After Work~

-Phone Rings-

"Go for Flynn." Angie answered her cellphone placing it on speaker.

"Hey Partner. Just wanted to make sure that everything is alright. I noticed your car still in the parking garage when I left. I just know you left our desks before me, so I got a bit worried." Oscar's voice came from the other end.

"I am fine Partner. Cross intercepted me on my way out and pulled me over to his car to ask me some personal stuff. Everything is alright. I was wondering if you would be willing to teach me to sign? I figured we could use it to communicate discreetly during a case when others are around."

"How about you come over now and we can start?"

"Let me call Manny first so he knows I am alright then I will be there in a few minutes."

"Manny can wait. Pizza gets cold so you better get here soon."

[Oscar's Place]

"Come on in partner. Let's get started on your sign language lessons shall we?" Oscar started.

"Oscar I just need to learn the basic words, phrases, and questions." Angie replied.


	3. Finally Home Darkness Begins

**AN: I swear I did not forget about this story. I am a full time college student with some major life events going on at home right now. I also lost my notebook so I have to look for it. The latest chapters are written in that and have been for months but with the issues that have been going on and losing the notebook I haven't been able to type it up and post it. I just found many stories that I have lost throughout the last couple of years and finally reorganized them so if you follow any of my other stories look for those updates in the semi near future!**

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><p>Chapter 3: Finally HomeDarkness Begins

~August 28, 2013~

[Angie's Livingroom]

(Phone Rings)

"Flynn" Angie answered the phone.

"Detective Flynn, I know you just finished your undercover assignment but you are needed on this case we just got this evening. Detective Vega should be there to pick you up any moment now." came the voice of none other than Mark Cross.

[Oscar's Car]

"Ang are you doing okay? Bloom only told us something had happened, but not what it was. I just want you to know you can talk to me if you want to." Oscar said hoping his partner would open up.

"I am doing okay right now. If I need to talk I will, I know my personal limits." the blonde detective replied, snapping at her partner.

"As long as you know that I will always be here for you partner. Don't ever hesitate to ask, for my help."

"I get it Oscar. You care but guess what...right now I need to be left ALONE. That is how you can help me, by just. LEAVING. ME. ALONE! I can handle this situation on my own and in my own time and way. Got it?"

"Okay Ang, how about we go examine the scene and tonight we will have drinks at Toby's?"

"Fine, I want to just get over the day. Cross is forcing me to go see Dr. Rosen when we get back to the station. Apparently, Cross thinks I am going to have a melt down during the case. We all know that if I am going to have one it will be when I am at home by myself, not during work hours."

~2 Hours Later~

[At the Station]

"Don't we look happy this afternoon." Brian said as Angie reached her desk.

"Detective Lucas, why don't we have a chat over here." Oscar said looking at the young detective with a death glare.

"It's fine Oscar. Lucas was just trying to lighten the mood. Betty is joining us for drinks, let's go." Angie said as she picked up her jacket and purse heading toward the door.

"Angie wait up and I will go with you to the car."

"Oscar I really did mean it this morning when I told you to leave me alone. I don't want to talk about the Manny thing, the Cross thing, the undercover case thing, this case, or anything! I am not even going to my car yet. I am going down to see Betty and did not plan on coming back up before I leave so go away.

[Autopsy]

Angie walked into the room seeing her friend sitting by the computer on her desk. Without even turning around Betty started the conversation, "I really don't think Oscar meant whatever he said the way you took it to mean."

"This is not about something Vega did or said. I had a mandatory appointment with Dr. Rosen, about the ending of the undercover case, this afternoon and we decided it may be helpful for me to talk to a friend about what happened. I chose to talk to you about it. What do you say? Pop over to my place for a chat session after drinks?"

"Sure Ang, give me a bit to finish up here then I will be at Toby's then we can go over there afterwards. I am also stopping at the store to pick up my food and drink remedy. It is a sure fire way to lift our spirits. I should be there in about a half hour or so since I am done here for the that sound like a plan?"

"Sounds like a great plan Betts. THat gives me time to figure out how I want to word this."

~Meanwhile Upstairs~

"Hey Mark, can I ask your opinion on something?" Oscar asked his boss.

"Sure, what's up Vega?"

"Do you think Angie really is okay? Or are you not seeing the truth that is right in front of you?"

"I shouldn't be telling you this, but you are her partner. She has been mandated by Boyd to see Dr. Rosen because of how her case ended. I don't know the specifics as of right now so for those you have to ask Angie."

"That is all I needed to know, Sir, thank you."


	4. Conversations with Betty and Oscar

_**AN: Another new chapter! I finally found my notebook yesterday. I was able to finally finish chapters 3 and 4 of typing and finishing chapter 4 anyway. It has been a crazy time the last few months with all the added responsibilities at school and at home. But please read and review and I will try to do better at updating when I can during the remainder of my school break and when I can throughout the semester. **_**This is the first chapter that will contain different level of possible triggers for people (specifically rape and self-harm and thoughts of suicide) toward the end of the chapter and will be explored more in depth beginning next chapter so proceed at your own risk. Though the situations are not directly talked about they are mentioned as having happened. The next few chapters will go into more depth as Angie talks with Dr. Rosen, Betty, and Oscar about what has happened both in the long term past and the more recent past of her undercover case. The scenes dealing with the issues will likely be a little awkward as I personally do not have experience with one of the events and the other I have dealt with in the same capacity as Oscar will in future chapters. I apologize now that the both Oscar and Angie will likely be out of character multiple times throughout the remainder of the story but that is the beauty of AU stories.**

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 4<strong>_

(Angie's Apartment)

After she arrived at her friend's apartment and got the snacks set up on the table Betty finally addressed her friend, "Hey Ang, you need to sit down so we can talk about what has been bothering you lately."

"Fine, the problem is the day before the sting my cover was blown. That part of it I handled just fine, however, the part where a former friend showed up and decided to try to kill me is another thing." Angie finally confessed.

"Who else knows? I mean Dr. Rosen obviously knows since you have been seeing him since the incident." Betty asked.

"Just you, Boyd, and Dr. Rosen know. The guys will all find out eventually but for now I would like it to be just the four of us to keep the whole station from finding out." Angie replied.

"Are you really okay to be back at work? I mean after an experience like that I think I would either take some sort of leave or a little vacation."

"I was offered my choice between both but I don't want to do either. Both options would make the guys suspicious so I am just taking everything one day at a time for now."

"Is there something more to it than that? I know Mark will understand and Oscar is already suspicious that something is going on. He called me on my way over here to see where we were and he sounded confused by the fact you left without saying any form of goodbye."

"Oscar is a big boy. He can handle being left without so much as a goodbye, he will be seeing me in the morning anyway." Angie said as she poured herself another drink.

"He cares way more than you know. He cares more than a normal partner would. Look out the window and tell me what you see."

"I swear to god if his car is out there he is a dead man tomorrow when I see him."  
>"You know he means well. I know you like him in the same way he likes you. I have been married three times I know how to read the signs that you want each other."<p>

"Of course we like each other we have worked so closely with each other for 5 and a half years. How could I not have fallen for his charm by now? I have no clue how he can't see it."

"To be fair you can't see the way he intends half of the stuff to come off. As for him not picking up your hints I think it is because of the fact that he is a male and blind to this kind of stuff."

"Betts, please we already made it clear that what happened between me and Lance during this case and in the past when he and I were together. He is dead now so neither Manny or I need to worry about him finding out anything about what happened with Lance all those years ago. I will tell you if I need anything especially if any of my past bad activities come into play. You have known me long enough to know when I am ready to talk or get more help than I already am I will do that and not a minute before!"

"You should really tell him about the important stuff that has happened so he knows why you are so blocked off when it comes to relationships. I feel like if he knows now it would be better than if he finds out by accidentally doing something to set you off."

"He won't do anything to set me off if I don't let him any closer than I already have."

"Why do you have to be so stubborn Ang?"

"Because it is a part of my charm and why so many people at the station love me…"

"Looks like I have a text from Vega...apparently he is indeed outside and wants me to leave so he can talk to you if you are willing to that is but I can't go home right now. I have had too much to drink so I will just tell him that I am going to go up to the guest room and go to bed so I will see you in the morning. Night."

"Betts are you crazy? Don't leave me alone with him. You know how I get when I have had this much to drink and he is pissed at me this time around."

~Time Skip~

"Hi Oscar, what do you need?"

"Ang I know you want to be left alone but your body language plus how much you drank at Toby's tonight concerns me."

"Everything is fine Oscar. Better than fine actually. The reason for my bad mood many days is now dead so I wanted to celebrate."

"Maybe we should wait to talk until tomorrow…"

"No Oscar I am fine to talk really I haven't had that much tonight. I have only had about 3 more than normal so it is not bad at all."

"Okay so where do you want to start?"

"I think I should tell you that the guy that died at the end of my undercover case was Manny's father. Manny knows that it happened and is as happy about it as I am. I know that sounds bad but he was a really bad person."

"So when did things get that bad with whatever his name is?"

"His name was Lance. We got together our last year of University and I tried to break it off when I didn't feel anything anymore and that is when things got thrown all to hell."

"Did what I think happened happen and that is why you wanted to break up with him?"

"Probably but I really don't like talking about that. So we will just skip over it to what happened at the end of the assignment. The same thing happened again so this time in self defense I killed him that is why Bloom is forcing me to see Dr. Rosen, because I killed a person and I went through something that put me into a deep depression almost twenty years ago. He wants me to tell the entire thing to someone that doesn't know so that I can work on moving on. Now what else did you want to talk about? I feel like I should tell you something else important but I want to hear from you first."


	5. Telling the Truth is Hard to Do

**AN: Due to a mistake on my part the previous chapter has a smail portion of the possible triggers mentioned and the AN has been updated to indicate this. However this is the first chapter that will contain different level of possible triggers for people (specifically rape and self-harm and thoughts of suicide) for more than just the ending so proceed at your own risk. Though the situations are not directly talked about they are mentioned as having happened. The next couple of chapters will go into more depth as Angie talks with Dr. Rosen, Betty, and Oscar about what has happened both in the long term past and the more recent past of her undercover case. The scenes dealing with the issues will likely be a little awkward as I personally do not have experience with one of the events and the other I have dealt with in the same capacity as Oscar will in future chapters. I apologize now that the both Oscar and Angie will likely be out of character multiple times throughout the remainder of the story but that is the beauty of AU stories.**

**Chapter 5**

[Angie's Apartment]

"This is all just a lot to take in Ang but it does not change a single thing that I feel when it comes to what our in and out of work life is like. I just want you to know that I care about you in a way that is more than a colleague and more than a friend. I don't know if I have been reading your cues right lately but I wanted to tell you how I feel before you got much farther into your story." Oscar said crossing the room and sitting next to Angie on the couch.

"You have been reading the cues right but after what I have to tell you next these feelings might change...and before you ask no it is not that Betty is upstairs in my guest room sleeping as we speak even though that is true." Angie joked.

"Ang, nothing can change the way I have felt for the last two years if not longer. What else could you feel the need to tell me?"

"I will tell you but first I need you to swear that you won't tell Cross. Bloom knows because I had to disclose this information when he hired me as well as discuss it in the debrief."

"Ang I know this has to be something hard to say out loud or admit to someone you have known and cared about for years. I know it is uncharacteristic of me but just tell me something you are scaring me."

"Here it goes...after the first time that Lance hurt me and I was sent into a large spiral into the depression I was in, I started hurting myself in multiple different ways, I had one point in time where I hit rock bottom and it almost...you know. I did not plan on telling you this and if anyone outside of Betty, Bloom, Dr. Rosen, or yourself asks me anything about any of this I will deny it until my last breath. Do you understand?"

"I understand. You don't want the entire station to know about this. I will keep this between us as long as you promise to tell me if things get as bad as they did the first time. You know that my door is always open to you and always will be partner."

"Thank you partner. I am so out of it right now I just want to go to bed."

"Okay. I will just see you in the morning. I can pick you up and bring you down to get your car on our way in. Maybe on the way we can pick a time to talk about the other thing that got brought up tonight?"

"That sounds great Oscar. Pick me up at 7:30? On second thought why don't you just stay here. Betty is in the guest room and Manny left for school last weekend so you can go sleep in there. It's really late and it's raining really hard now."

"If that's what you want we can do that then after I drop you off with your car I will go to my place and change for work. Thanks for the offer. I will walk you up to your room then go to bed myself."

"Thanks Oscar but I nothing is going to happen tonight. I was not triggered that badly during this case. Yes I was triggered some but since I immediately talk with Dr. Rosen about it I was better equipped to handle the situation."

"Okay Ang, I will see you in the morning then. Goodnight."

~Time Skip~

~August 29, 2013~

"Angie are you up? I made took the liberty and made the three of us some scrambled eggs." Betty yelled up the stairs.

"They smell and look great Betty. Thank you and if Angie doesn't HURRY UP so that we can leave early enough for both stops we have to make I will eat her eggs." Oscar said as Angie reached the bottom of the stairs.

"I am up already Oscar. I was just getting dressed. Thank you for making breakfast Betts." Angie said as she sat down in the livingroom.

"How about we leave in say ten minutes so that we know we will both make it on time?" Oscar suggested.

"Sounds like a plan to me. You can stay as long as you would like to Betts. I will just clean up when I get home tonight. Just be sure to lock up when you leave."

"Anyway how did everyone's night go last night? I was surprised you were still around this morning Oscar."

"Betty we just talked until really early this morning but by the time we were done talking it was raining too hard for him to risk driving home."

"You know she was just kidding Ang. She was probably hinting at the fact that she was listening from the staircase last night to our whole conversation."

"You know that you are quite good at skirting around touchy subjects Angie. But it looks like you finally both took the first step to figuring out a new relationship."

"Hey Oscar I think on that note we should be leaving now."

[Oscar's Car]

"So Oscar about last night and about what Betty just said. We need to talk about all of this stuff sooner rather than later."

"I know which is why I was going to see if you wanted to come over tomorrow and I will make some Alfredo and we can talk over dinner at my place. If it goes further than that there then great. If not that is also great as long as it goes however far you are comfortable with."

"Great. I have an appointment with Dr. Rosen at 4pm tomorrow so I am leaving after that. Well we are here and I will meet you at the station or at the scene depending on if there are any calls before you get in."

~Time Skip~

[Station]

"Detective Lucas, good morning. I need you to do something for me. I need you to take second point on any cases we get today. Detective Vega and I have some trust issues going on right now so I don't feel comfortable taking second point so I need you to do it." Angie said to her newer partner before Oscar arrived to work from changing at his place that morning.

"Sure Detective Flynn. Is there anything else that I can do for you today if we don't get a case?" Brian Lucas asked.

"No there is not Brian. Thanks for asking. Just do this for me until further notice."

"If you don't mind me saying so I think you and Vega should talk through whatever issues soon. I don't want to end up too far on either side of whatever this argument is about. Hopefully things can be worked out peacefully."

"Everything is fine Brian. He just ticked me off a bit last night. He just crossed a line by about a mile but everything will be fine by Monday. So just do this one thing for me for the next couple of days. Other wise just leave me alone so I can focus on the back reports I have due for a couple of cases."

"Do you want any help with the reports?"

"They are not the kind of reports anyone can help me with since they are mostly observation reports that I need to type up from a journal I kept during the undercover assignment and a couple of other now cold cases."


	6. Appointment with Dr Rosen

Chapter 6

~August 30, 2013~

-After work hours-

[Dr. Rosen's Office]

"So Angie. How has the assignment I gave you at our last session been going? Have you talked to anyone?" Dr. Rosen asked her patient

"I have spoken to two people about it. One is a close friend the other is the partner I have been with at the station for the last five and a half years." Angie replied.

"That is progress. Did they react any differently than you had expected them to or were their reactions different?"

"Well with Betty she seemed a little bit more shocked than I would have originally anticipated and asked more questions than I would have thought. Oscar however reacted reasonably well knowing when to ask questions and how to word his questions like he had been expecting the problems to have been what was bugging me lately. I don't know how he could have known since only Bloom knew about what happened with Lance originally. It could be that we have been partners for so long he has picked up on some things or something."

"Were these reactions supportive?"

"Yes. Oscar and I are actually meeting when I am done here to talk more about everything we discussed and go a little bit more in depth. We also revealed our feelings to one another. I don't plan to go too far on these feelings but it is kind of exciting to have someone care about me the same way I have cared about him over the last few years."

"Now back to you. How have you personally been doing with dealing with the rapes and your personal feelings of wanting to hurt yourself? I know you mentioned that after the first rape you hit your lowest point and thought briefly about suicide. I know that all times are different but sometimes similar feelings can potentially arise."

"This time I think I am taking everything much better than I did the first time. The first time I was barely 22 years old. I had no one in my corner, had no job, was straight out of University, ended up pregnant, felt like I had absolutely nowhere to go afterward and stayed in the relationship out of fear until it got too bad for me to want to try and handle. After ending the relationship I found out that I was pregnant with Manny which scared me to no end. I was not talking to anyone in my family so I was on my own and pregnant along with being withdrawn and depressed about the entire situation. I did briefly have suicidal thoughts but they came much later when Manny was about 3 and I had gotten two jobs and was working them back to back and had Manny staying with a neighbor during most of the day like he had been since I got the jobs when he was only a few months old. Something in me had snapped when Manny was about 10 months old and I started harming myself to relieve the stress but shortly before he turned 3 he got sick and it took what seemed like forever until we were able to find out what was wrong. We learned that it was back to back cases of bronchitis and strep but with how sick he was there was no way that the neighbor he was staying with during the day at the time would not care for him and I had to call into each job a few too many times for either boss to want to keep me on since I still did not have anyone else willing to watch my son. It was toward the end of his sickness that I was so tired and stressed out that I considered thoughts of suicide. Once I got thinking I thought about Manny and what his life would be like in different scenarios."

"What kind of scenarios?"

"Like what if he was adopted, what if he ended up not being adopted at all, what if he turned out to be a criminal, what if he and I were able to survive living on our own for however long it took? After the thinking I realized that his best chance was still with me if I was able to turn my luck around. I went out the next morning and started looking again for a new job. Eventually I landed a job with the PD since that is what I had my degree in so that I could provide for Manny. After when I had gotten the job even after admitting to the boss about my problems I was placed on a team where I was supported until our first case was a murder victim that had just been raped earlier that day. The case had set me off and I found myself in Bloom's office about ready to quit but because I needed the job I just told him that at any point he heard of a murder case that also involved rape to try and get a different team on it for as long as possible."

"What else happened with the most recent case that set you off specifically?"

"I can't pin-point just one thing there was a few different things. Like seeing Lance again even after all these years. Him doing things to me again. panic that Manny would find out and be upset with me for killing his dad in self-defense despite what happened in the past. Fear of losing my job over killing a suspect. Fearing that those I care the most about would abandon me and I would end up being alone again."

"Let's talk about these fears. Are any of them actually realistic based on what you have been saying I am starting to wonder. It sounds to me like everyone that currently knows at the station has been very understanding when it comes to the station. What do you think would happen if you brought up your fears to even just one of the people in your life who have shown how much they really care?"

"Well, I think that Oscar will just ask me why I waited so long to tell him about all of my problems. Betty will likely try to convince me to talk not just to her but to Oscar too. I don't want to even try talking to Manny right now. He is just getting settled in and started his classes at college. Brian and Mark I don't want to talk to either of them about this since neither one really understands me to the same extent as the others."

"I can see where you are coming from with those statements. Our time is almost up for today though Angie. So what I would like to see you do for next time we meet is to talk to either Betty or Oscar about these fears. I know it will be something hard for you to do but I think in the long run you will feel better knowing that you talked to someone about the situation and you long running fears. Who knows, maybe when you and Oscar talk after this session you may find it easier to talk to him than you thought it would be. I am sure your partner would like to know how you are coping with the aftermath of a difficult case. I am also sure that your friends will want to know how you are really feeling so that they can try and figure out the best way that they can help you."

"We will see. I will try to complete this assignment doc but no promises. I will see you on Wednesday after work. I will call if we get a case that is interfering since I still have 3 more mandatory sessions left."

~5 Minutes Later~

(Work Area)

"Detective Lucas...have you seen Oscar in the last couple of minutes? I was supposed to meet him to talk after we clocked out but wanted to confirm that we were still on." Angie asked.

"Actually you just missed him he left about ten minutes ago. He said to tell you that he would see you soon." the younger detective replied.

"Oh okay. Thanks Brian. Have a good weekend hopefully we don't get called in for anything this weekend. Would be a great time to have a couple of days to just sleep in."

"I hear you there Angie. Hope you have a good weekend as well."


	7. Dinner and Discussions

**AN: I doubt anyone is actually reading this since I don't ever get any reviews. The only reason I am still updating this story is because I still love the show and have had this story in mind for a long time. It has also been a long time since I have been able to write anything for my own enjoyment. I know there are points where some of the characters are not themselves but how much do we really get to know them in the series through backstories so I figured I would make some up and they are more than likely a little more troubling than they would be if this was the actual show. If you do read I hope you enjoy. If you do please leave a review.**

**Chapter 7**

(Oscar's Place)

"Hey partner. Come on in and give me about 5 minutes to get the last of the stuff for dinner going then I can come out and we will talk for a bit." Oscar greeted Angie when she reached the door of his place.

"Do you need any help?" Angie asked.

"Nope. I will be right out in a couple of minutes. Please just make yourself comfortable. Would you like anything to drink? I have almost anything you could imagine."

"Just a glass of water would be great. Thanks Partner."

"Here you go. How has your day been? It seems like we did not get much of a chance to talk today. It felt a bit like you were trying to avoid me actually."

"Thank you. My day was fine. Boring since nothing came in today. I swear I wasn't trying to avoid you. I just had a few case report notes I had to get typed up and sent in to both Cross and Bloom by the end of the day. You know how one set of my case notes takes like 2 hours for me to type. I just wanted to get everything done before my session. I am sorry if it felt like I was avoiding you. I was just trying as hard as I could to focus. How about your day other than boring as hell?"

"It was torture. However, I did have time to think about what I would say to you tonight."

"Oh yeah? What do you plan to say tonight? You know how I feel about even trying to start something right now. I brought it up the other night when you were at my place. I am not saying it can't ever happen. I am just saying not right now and not while we are partners."

"If us being partners is what you are worried mostly about then I can work with Brian or you can and he can be the main partner for either of us. I understand why right now is off the table. I also wanted to make sure you were really okay. I know you were pissed off when I showed up at your place the other night to make sure you were okay and had gotten home safely. I honestly had not known that Betty was going to be there prior to my showing up. I saw her car and I was going to leave but she pointed me out before I could. So then I texted her to tell her I wanted to talk with you privately."

"I know that but I can't really be okay until I get back to what my normal was before moving on to something new. I am sorry that this will likely take quite a while to get back to even normal. After dinner we can talk about the fears I have surrounding letting myself get back to my normal."

"What does your normal look like? I know that you did not like even telling me about the problems the other night but I am glad you did. I just want to be there for you like a friend until you are ready for it to be more. I promise that I won't try to push you for anymore than that until you feel ready to make any changes."

"Oscar you know that normal means something different to everyone. My version of normal is way off from what most people would consider normal unless they were in my situation. To me normal is not being afraid about what could happen when I am investigating a case and someone that hurt me is involved. It is knowing that you, Betty, Brian, Manny, and Mark all have my back whether it be out in the field or just in general. Normalcy to me is not being afraid that Bloom will take my badge away every time I have a rough day after a case and tell me that he thinks I am a danger in the field. Normal is also not being afraid that I will lose someone I care about just because of the words that come out of my mouth. I know that some of these things seem trivial and unlikely but they are things that I fear will hold me back from reaching a sense of normal."

"So dinner is ready. I would like to keep talking though. Hopefully we can talk through some of these fears and at least get a start of working on making you feel better. I want you to feel safe again when it comes to work and your life. Like you said normal is relative to the person but if I can help with this I will just so that you can do better but then you are now. I don't even see where you are any different than you were before the incident. Hopefully you know ways to suggest for me to do my best to help you."

"I appreciate it but it will take me forever to open up the full way I feel like I should. For now all that I ask is that you don't give up on me while I work my way back to being the partner you know me to be. This process will take a while but with something to aim for it will hopefully not take as long."

"Something to aim for other than normal? What could that be?"

"I have wanted to have you in my life in a way that is not as just my partner for like two years. I have been waiting for the right time to talk to you but I haven't been able to find the words. I am glad you had words before I did. I will be willing to try giving you a chance once I feel like I can handle it if things don't go as well as we plan. Would you be able to wait at least three months? I feel like having people in my corner this time around will let me get back to normal faster."

"I can wait for as long as you need me to Partner. Ang I promise I will have your back for the rest of our careers or even rest of our lives if you will let me."

"For now Oscar I will settle with in the field as long as our careers are in tact. I want you to know that there have been days in the past where our job is not the best for me to handle. I know it is a lot to ask but I was wondering if you would do what you think is best without mentioning everything to Cross. Before I tell you about the next part of this I want you to make that promise."

"I promise Ang but you don't even need to mention the next part of what you were going to say. I think I know what it is. I know you well enough to know when you are off balance and when you are just having a crappy day. When you are off balance I promise to take away the things you need me to in order to keep you safe. It's just what partners do."

"Thank you for dinner Vega. It was nice. We will definitely have to do it again sometime soon. Maybe even include Betty and Brian? Not Cross though since you know...he is a jerk outside of work. Of course that would mean that we have to talk about stuff other than the possibility of us and my other problems."

"I think we can handle that Ang. I like the idea of maybe a game night between the four of us and Brian's wife. We should have Betty bring someone with her so that we can do teams/partners and have things be even."


End file.
